Raw Surrender

I went there of my own free will.
I went there in my finest gown,
With my rarest Jewels
With my Queen of Heaven crown.
In the Underworld
At each of the Seven Gates
I was stripped Seven times
Of all I thought I was
Till I stood bare in who I really am.  
~Inanna, Goddess for Embracing the Shadows

 

Raw

My body still trembles 
in the haunting of your hands
touching, feeling, grabbing, holding
skin crimpling
as if your fingers 
still had their place
in my thighs.
My hips now armored 
belly swollen
aching, healing
a mourning womb.
You came to me
relentlessly
ravenous
ravaging
I lost myself in abandoned delirium
and I was the one
who gave you the key.
I welcomed you in to all of me
all doors, all rooms
open to you
save for one… one teeny secret place
a small hidden, forgotten space
a treasure spot
No, there, there you never found me.
 
Light does not come
without darkness
I forgot how dark the night
Yet deep inside this darkness
here I find that hidden forgotten place 
I feel my Self
My body
without You
Swollen, protected, crumbling, weeping
 
I fall into a memory
of this body
After first giving birth
This vessel, my body, my heart, my Soul
had gone thru hell and back
Like Innana
Woman dies, descends, sinks
into the depths of the Worlds
to seek her child
and in that descent
at last
she finds her Self
humbled, naked, raw, bowed down in surrender
beheld by the Goddess
“Are you ready?  Are you ready to bear Life? To take Life into your hands?”
the gravity of it all…
right here, right now…  no turning back… ever
to any place before this moment.
And once I embrace this Life
My Life, the Life of another
the tide turns, the peak subsides, I ride the wave
and I surrender, I surrender to Life
 
I surrender to Life
to the Unknown
to Death
to Pain
To the Void
To Love
 
It is in my Love 
that I embrace
and in that embrace
in my surrender
I receive
 
My body now emerges
from the depths, underground
scarred from this journey out of darkness
and upon my arising… awakens
 
I am swollen
bruised
soft
raw
 
a receptacle of unconscious anger
thrill
addiction
lust
inner demons
oedipal complexes
drugs and alcohol
ego 
ungraceful acts
hesitation
the back and forths
fear
lies
and…
love
laughter
light
life
creation
magic
innocence
trust
communion
divinity
the seeds of life…
all of existence brews within me
I am the caulron 
 
I am filled
exhausted
worn down
broken
cracked…
open
exhilarated
whole
alive…
I am alive
 
I surrender
soft
open
porous
ready to receive
 
~Nadine

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